“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller
I can sum up my life pretty easily, even though I have many memories.
Went to elementary school. Excelled at writing, singing, secretly oogling guys while being a tomboy, and sports. Major interest in theatre. Won lots of awards. Was very introspective.
Went to high school. Excelled at writing, singing, sports, theatre, academics, and openly oogling guys. Was very introspective. Failed my driver’s licence. Won awards at gr. 12 grad. Switched schools for my OAC year from Catholic to public in another town and went further with singing and theatre. Won talent contest for singing. Experienced one of the most memorable, passionate years of my life. Started doing community theatre shows. Showed up solo at my grad in black jeans and a white shirt, went on stage for my awards, and promptly left so I could join friends in watching the Blue Jays win the World Series with Carter’s home run.
Left for Paris, France for a year to help set up a Catholic centre. Gave lectures in French. Was bilingual before, but now thought and wrote and even prayed in French. It was nothing like what I’d expected or been told, and I was miserable and incredibly homesick. I was afraid of becoming a person I despised because I was so negative. Came home and no one was as excited as I was. Life had gone on without me. Disillusioned, I acted rebelliously, moved in with my Mormon friend and her family, and got baptized as a Mormon. Was disowned by my devout Catholic parents as my father broke his favourite Mormon Tabernacle Choir record over his knee. A few months later, I changed my mind and went back to Catholicism and reconciled with my family.
Got accepted to Queen’s, Waterloo, Ottawa, and Redeemer universities. Chose Redeemer because of the scholarships and full OSAP. Excelled at English, Phys. Ed, writing, theatre, singing. Edited students’ papers, the newspaper, and literary mag. Had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do with my life.
I was very passionate about theatre, and lots of boozed up crying, and swearing I would live in a box on the street if I had to if only I could act, occurred in high school when my parents told me it was a waste of time. I continued it feverishly in university.
But even more loved than theatre was singing. I have never witnessed more passion than in people, including myself, singing, but also conducting and simply listening to music. It was my greatest love and I was never shy about doing it. I sang anywhere and everywhere because I was moved to and because the feeling is absolutely incomparable. There is nothing, nothing, like it. Because I recognize this in myself, I can recognize it and appreciate it in others. Making real music and singing—they are the language of the soul.
On a scary whim, tried out for and made the concert choir in spite of a very shitty audition during which I had to admit I didn’t have a clue how to read music and had never sung in a choir before. A week later the conductor changed his mind and asked me to sing alto. Our first piece was Vivaldi’s Gloria. Everyone opened their scores and started singing. Except me. I realized I had to listen to and memorize the music. Which I did quite successfully. I still remember many of the songs. Later that year, was chosen to sing a duet (contralto) with the Hamilton Philharmonic orchestra (Bach’s Easter Canata No. 4, “Den Tod”) in concert, which got a glowing review in the Hamilton Spec, and I fulfilled my dream of singing Handel’s Messiah in public. Going from not even being able to clap to notes to this is the greatest achievement of my life.
Broke my hand in a diving accident the summer after first year. Met my future husband K in 1995. Got married in the summer after third year, 1997. Quit choir after two years because I was too emotionally stressed. Passion overload, if there can be such a thing. But far worse than that was something else, something monstrous. Perhaps fear. I began to have panic attacks and claustrophobia. I quit theatre, I quit singing, I quit writing. I quit passion. Graduated in 1999, after five years. K left in 2000, fearing an ordinary life in marriage. Got together with next future husband, C. Quit job at Chapters and moved to Trenton with C and his parents after only one month of dating. Moved to Belleville apt. Married C in 2002. Had various numbing and unsatisfying jobs.
Got first house and Lucy in 2003. Struggle, struggle, struggle. Starting editing biz Word for Word in October 2003. Sold house and moved to apt. in 2005. Missed university, writing, singing. Started blogging a year ago. Bought new house in 2008. Got my driver’s licence in February. Struggle, struggle, struggle. Launched EditQuest in September. Going bankrupt in a week.
Pretty ordinary life, really.
What’s on My Mind
Shit. I have a feeling this is going to be a long post.
Here’s the thing. Last Sunday I went to Toronto with my friend and sister to attend a choral concert. It really did take much of what I had to go. I rarely leave the house in Belleville let alone take a train to Toronto and spend the day. But I’m extremely glad I went. We saw the Swedish choir Orphei Dranger, reportedly the best men’s choir in the world. Needless to say, I was moved by several of the pieces, and by moved I mean it was all I could do not to start blubbering out loud. I shed tears. There truly is nothing at all like the human voice in harmony. If there aren’t cherubim and seraphim and Josh Groban in heaven when I get there, I may as well be in hell.
Speaking of the Lovely Josh
After the concert on Sunday, I “remembered” how much I love (what is a stronger word?) music and a rich, talented voice. I wondered at the increasing silence in my life since I quit choir 11 years ago and silenced my voice as long. I wondered why I stopped listening to the radio and CDs. Why I no longer have music in the background as I cook or work or clean or just lie in the dark in my library to be alone. Music used to be as much a part of me as my name.
I haven’t any idea of the answer, except that it might be something to do with allowing the mundane to take over and suck the magic from life. It might be that I can’t listen to beautiful music anymore without crying. Seriously. Ever. It’s embarrassing, but also indicative, I think, of something deep within that I’ve been incomprehensibly squelching for too long. It may be that I can’t make music background, even if I’m watching a movie. When I have music on, I can’t do anything else but listen.
Since the concert last Sunday I’ve been listening to choral CDs, songs on YouTube, and of course (and I say of course because it just goes without saying that this man is one of the most talented and beautiful singers out there) Josh Groban.
Yes, I have a huge crush on him. Huge. I am a very committed fan. One who has never been to a concert, written on his message board, penned him a letter, or even bought one of his CDs (though that last one is about money). It’s all for two reasons: At 34, this kind of thing feels both mortifying and agonizing. There’s something in me akin to my fear of singing or letting myself dance in public or trying now to speak French that won’t allow me to gush about what a fan I am. The second reason is that it seems quite hopeless. I’m just another girl out of the hundreds of thousands who have reached out. I don’t want my message to go unnoticed or seem anonymous or get read and trashed by some publicity person. So I don’t bother. I never did growing up, either. I’ve never let anyone famous know that they reside in a special place in my heart labelled “heroes.” Now I wonder if those hundreds of thousands of girls ahead of me are actually smarter than I. Nothing comes from nothing, after all. And he does actually recognize certain fans in the audience when he sees them at his concerts.
But yes, this admiration is genuine. I obsessively listen to his voice and words (but not around C). I read and watch what little he has on his blog. I google him. I appreciate him. I love that he was in my favourite musical of all time (Chess). I think he’s handsome and sweet and dear, and he literally makes me blush the way no one else can, which is disarming.
I think there is nothing quite so wonderful as his singing, though naturally I take great pleasure in many other things. But he makes me open my mouth to sing, and even when I croak out some godawful notes and cringe with embarrassment in the privacy of my own home, he still makes me want to sing along. He makes me dream about him—he makes me dream. He not only “raises me up” but wakes me up in the early morning to suddenly think:
I am meant to live an extraordinary life.
You know when suddenly you become conscious of your little life after a really lovely dream? When you come crashing back to reality, surrounded by dirty dishes and an unmade bed and errands to run and work to do and it seems so utterly…small? You might be visualizing your greatest goal, you might be watching a magical movie that deeply moves you—heck, you might be dreaming of Josh Groban himself. And suddenly you awake, sobered immediately by the snores beside you and a clenching fear in the pit of your stomach that you live a very ordinary life. That is, compared to what you know deep in your gut: that you are meant to be doing something greater than this, to be happier, living more fully, actively, generously, touching people in extraordinary ways. It’s not necessarily celebratory status I want. It’s simply to feel that I really am acknowledging I’ve been given gifts with which I could possibly change lives. I’m not sure what those gifts are, exactly, and I know, not everyone has to be a superstar. But I don’t know why not.
Dreams like these, like meeting Josh and him thinking I’m charming and inviting me to sing with him, and becoming great friends, are only wish fulfillment; they have no double meaning. Still, they tell you something very important about yourself. That you have wishes. That you long for something more, whatever more might be. They tell you ultimately that you have the potential for greater things, and, most importantly, that you ought to realize it, acknowledge it, and then do something about it.
If I look back on my life, as I often do, and regret I’m not the person I used to be, and if I look at what I admire, what I love, I can see what it is I’m missing.
When I was growing up, and up until I got married (don’t read into that!), I did and felt everything passionately. I unabashedly went for what I wanted, whether it was roles in a play, awards, a place on the roster, a boy. I got them, I achieved them, I realized goals. And those are small things, but surely an indication that bigger things are possible! Yet somewhere along the line, I lost hold of self-confidence, belief, and passion, and instead adopted fear, self-abasement, and cynicism.
Behind every person who is living an extraordinary life, like Josh Groban, for instance, with his concerts and tours and meeting his heroes and fulfilling so many wishes; with his charity work and writing songs and making personal videos for fans and friends—and even those who don’t have celebratory status but are doing what they want and love and are genuinely living fully—is deeply rooted passion. You can see it in Josh’s delighted smile, hear it in his voice, and witness it in the image above. It was in the memorable, sweating face of my conductor as he waved his hands gracefully, feelingly, and closed his eyes and listened to me sing. It is in the hearts of those who accomplish great things.
I know this, because without it, you cannot live an extraordinary life. We must ask ourselves, even if we are content in life, even if we see the beauty in details and ordinary things, what truly is our passion? What moves us so completely that we ache for the love of it?
And when we find the answer, we owe it to ourselves, but especially others, to follow it.
Awake.
Steph,
Very powerful – very real. And the part you said at the very end, I couldn’t imagine it being said any better.
You are meant to live an extraordinary life, and you’ve been doing that. Sometimes it takes someone from outside to see it, perhaps.
Why not write a letter to Josh? Say everything you said here, because what you said about him was really nice. You might be surprised what happens.
Very inspiring post. I’m glad you had the “I am meant to live an extraordinary life. ” epiphany. I can tell you will achieve great things.
Maybe I need to strive to achieve great things too.
Brett: Lord, it just seems so WEIRD and embarrassing. Liking him and admiring him is not embarrassing at all—I mean by God he has talent!—but being all, you know, fan-like is. Although I know fans are awesome for people. But I mean, what could I say that all the others haven’t already said, about his voice being angelic and how it lifts them up when they are down or inspires them and so on? how much can it really mean after hearing years of gushing? I imagine seeing a full concert is pretty cool, and he does appreciate the fans, but really, there are something like over 55,000 friends on his MySpace. You know? I would want whatever I said to have meaning, not that those who gush say meaningless things, but I guess that would I said would spark response.
Would he even get the letter, I wonder? Or would it even be him who answered? How could he possibly keep up with all the fanmail, after all?
When I think of it, I have never been a real gusher. I like to bring things down, to keep them casual and relaxed. I like to think that if I met him or any other person I admire I wouldn’t be reduced to Valley Girl gibberish, that I could certainly tell him how much I respect and admire him but we could carry on an intelligent conversation…
SW: you totally do!! I’m saying this isn’t really an option for us as human beings given this time on earth. Remember that quote from Gandalf? “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us?”
How do we really want to spend our lives? Are we doing all we can do to show gratitude for our gift of life and our talents? I’m not meaning to get preachy here; this is solely what I’m thinking out loud myself. But don’t you have this tug somewhere, something inside you that wishes or longs for MORE? For something more significant and big?
If you do, I think that’s your soul telling you something, maybe something like, wake up, dude, there IS more!
Hey guys, if you see “never mind spring” below my post (one of those possibly related posts), click on it and read it. It *is* relevant.
Steph,
Your post brings back memories of what I felt like before I met John. MY Husband and best friend. The song below was our first dance and *our* song at the wedding…more so, perhaps the chorus than the verses, but we have always said we are living an extrordinary life together.
I wonder if you would really suddenly feel as if your life was extrordinary if you met Josh, or if it is the passion you want to invoke in your own life. When you were first creating editQuest you were filled with that passion and it was because it was a dream to help others. In finding your core *whys* you will find your passion and begin your extrordinary life. It’s there for everyone. Sing Steph! The world won’t close that door on you! And community theater is everywhere. I know it keeps me busy all the darn time! But I use it to donate( with our group) Thousands and thousands and untold money to help the community and charity, which fires MY passion. I hope you find yours too! good luck!
Life Less Ordinary Lyrics
by Carbon Leaf
album: Indian Summer (2004)
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well, I hate to be a bother but
It’s you and there’s no other, I do believe
You can call me naïve, but
I know me very well at least
As far as I can tell and I know what I need
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
My face had said too much
Before our hands could even touch
To greet a hello
So much for going slow
Well, a little later on that year
I told you that I loved you, dear
What do you know -
This you weren’t prepared to hear
I’m a saddened man, I’m a broken boy
I’m a toddler with a complex toy
I’m falling apart since the ambush on your heart
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied but
Honey understand
Honey understand
I won’t make demands
Honey understand
Honey understand
We could walk without a plan
Honey understand, honey
Honey understand
I won’t rest in stone all alone
Honey understand
Honey understand
I’m all ready to go
But you already know
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along
This is the goal– to get into your soul
If I could make you dance with joy
Could that be the second chance to coy
The ‘bird in hand’ I would need to help you understand
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time
Steph,
Your post brings back memories of what I felt like before I met John. MY Husband and best friend. The song below was our first dance and *our* song at the wedding…more so, perhaps the chorus than the verses, but we have always said we are living an extrordinary life together.
I wonder if you would really suddenly feel as if your life was extrordinary if you met Josh, or if it is the passion you want to invoke in your own life. When you were first creating editQuest you were filled with that passion and it was because it was a dream to help others. In finding your core *whys* you will find your passion and begin your extrordinary life. It’s there for everyone. Sing Steph! The world won’t close that door on you! And community theater is everywhere. I know it keeps me busy all the darn time! But I use it to donate( with our group) Thousands and thousands and untold money to help the community and charity, which fires MY passion. I hope you find yours too! good luck!
Life Less Ordinary Lyrics
by Carbon Leaf
album: Indian Summer (2004)
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well, I hate to be a bother but
It’s you and there’s no other, I do believe
You can call me naïve, but
I know me very well at least
As far as I can tell and I know what I need
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
My face had said too much
Before our hands could even touch
To greet a hello
So much for going slow
Well, a little later on that year
I told you that I loved you, dear
What do you know -
This you weren’t prepared to hear
I’m a saddened man, I’m a broken boy
I’m a toddler with a complex toy
I’m falling apart since the ambush on your heart
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied but
Honey understand
Honey understand
I won’t make demands
Honey understand
Honey understand
We could walk without a plan
Honey understand, honey
Honey understand
I won’t rest in stone all alone
Honey understand
Honey understand
I’m all ready to go
But you already know
Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along
This is the goal– to get into your soul
If I could make you dance with joy
Could that be the second chance to coy
The ‘bird in hand’ I would need to help you understand
That night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me,
You took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me
You shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue tied next time
Wendi: thanks for sharing that song! It’s pretty awesome and I see why it’s YOUR song, too.
Certainly it’s about wanting to reawaken passion in my own life, not about meeting Josh. I mean, that WOULD be pretty fantastic and ultra cool, but it’s not quite what I’m saying. With regard to Josh, I’m talking about how his life is a great example of what passion is all about. What I’m saying is that I find I’ve let my life become small and boring and uninspired. It seems a very huge crime. I’d like to rectify that but I don’t know how.
Steph,
I think what you would say would be different, because, well, you write well and I think you would be very down to earth and real – not gushing and all bubbly and “like… like… like…” and stuff that the fans would do.
Whatever you wrote would be intelligent, real, and from the heart – and I have a feeling he probably does read his mail, and does respond to folks who take the time to write something that means something. Like you would.
That’s beautiful, Steph. I’m glad you feel so alive. It’s amazing when we discover, or rediscover something inside ourselves.
KittyTown’s best friend is a musical prodigy, and she went to school with Josh. Supposedly, he’s a super duper nice guy.
P.S. Wendi, you are an AWESOME commenter!
Steph, your post showed up in my google alerts. The part regarding your father’s dramatic ‘musical murder’. I hope you don’t mind that I laughed – becuase I am sure at the time it was not funny at all – but the whole image is just so over-the-top. It reminds me of a scene that could come right out of “The Godfather”.
Anyway, I have enjoyed reading all about you and your fascinating life. I appreciated that you shared some of your passions with the world. It’s cathartic, isn’t it? It looks like you discovered the writing muse and the miracle of blogging about the same time I did. Isn’t it grand?! It is definitely another gift from God to treasure.
“Making real music and singing—they are the language of the soul.”
I could not agree more. I encourage you to ‘find your voice’ again, and sing “anywhere and everywhere because [you are] moved to and because the feeling is absolutely incomparable.”
My advice is to start in your shower. It’s private, and refreshing. (and you can’t beat the acoustics).
Sending best wishes as you embark on the next chapter of your extraoridinary life.
Steph,
You have described what many Josh fans feel after they discover his music. He inspires people to find their passion. He inspires people to want to give back. He is really nice guy. I’ve met him a few times. He really listens to what you have to say. When he tours the next time, go to a concert of his, you will never be the same again. Do find your voice. This life we live is so short, find your passion again. Your family will be the better for it. I enjoyed your story.
@ Brett: Your confidence, belief, and faith in me astound me. Thank you.
@ WD: Cool about KT’s best friend being a music prodigy!! I ‘m jealous! And also jealous that she went to school with Josh. That must have been awesome, aside from being a musical prodigy, of course, which is totally wow. And I wouldn’t believe anything other than him being a super nice guy.
The trick when discovering or rediscovering something about ourselves is to not let fear get the better of us. Or whatever it is, say, lack of self-confidence, that’s holding us back. When I was young I wanted piano lessons like no other kid. I played by ear and totally wanted to be a musical genius. But my mom said I wouldn’t practise (she knew of my impatience to be great right away, but I’m not sure how not practising would have got me there), and signed my sister up instead, who did nothing with them. I still fail to understand that logic, but I’m admittedly old enough, and I have been for a long time now, to sign myself up!! Maybe that would get me started…
@ Mormon Soprano: Hey there! Thanks for commenting! I’m not offended in the least that you thought my dad’s actions were funny. He is a bit of a drama queen. I laughed remembering it, and I know I thought at the time it was a stupid thing to do. i’m glad you don’t take offence to it, and also that I “changed my mind” about being Mormon!!
You’re right about the shower, by the way! My friend Celine (the Mormon one!) and I used to go into her bathroom to belt out songs from musicals. the memories make me smile!! I think I’m still shy even with myself, so it might take some time…
Thanks so much for the best wishes! You’re welcome back here any time.
@ Marie: Welcome! Thank you so much for commenting. I can’t even add to what you said, you are so right. And lucky you that you’ve met Josh, that’s cool!! I’m glad he’s how I think he is.
So did you actually sing Handel’s Messiah in Hamilton (in the 90′s?)
What year? (I saw the performance at the downtown concert hall in about 92..and maybe 93 or 94)
Is it possible I might have actually seen you perform….?
Didn’t realize you were so talented! (I can’t sing to save my life…I used to fart around on the guitar. I have enough ear for music to know what I WANT my voice to do…I just cant’ MAKE it do what I want!)
Friar: I did sing it, in ’95 or ’96, though. Can’t remember which. It was the Redeemer University Concert Choir and we performed in our most amazing aud, not downtown. Though we did sing other stuff all over, including downtown. We also went on tour.
As for making your voice do what you want it to (and here’s where I’m supposed to take my own advice), it’s all about practice, baby.
@Steph
Awww…okay. Then I didn’t see you. (I had broken up with my girlfriend by ’95.
You know who I felt sorry for in Handel’s Messiah? The TRUMPET PLAYER.
They have NOTHING to do for the entire concert, except in the end, where they play the ‘Alleluia” chorus for 2 minutes.
Imagine all the recitals,rehearsals, etc…how many HOURS do you get to sit and watching all the strings play, and all the singers have fun,while you sit there and get to do nothing.
It must get boring…I felt sorry for the poor woman…she should have brought a book or something.
Friar:
AHAHAHA!! Poor woman, indeed. I never noticed, to tell the truth. And now I’m going to have to listen to it. Did you hear the entire work or just the Christmas or Easter portion?
At the same time, I would never have brought a book. I would have totally enjoyed a wonderful performance with the best seat in the house! No performance is ever the same, and watching people’s faces as they sing or play or conduct is actually quite magical.
@Steph
?? I didn’t even know there were two portions. (Shows how much I know about music).
We went around Christmas time, and all I know is that it was quite long (over two hours) and they sang something like 48 songs before they got to the Alleluia at the end.
“For We are sheep”
To which I want to reply: BAAAAAHHH!!
Well, enough farting around on the computer. I gotta walk my sister’s dog, who’s lying patiently at my feet, waiting for Uncle Friar to take her out and play!
“All We Like sheep,” you mean, which made me laugh out loud! I remember in rehearsal we all used to sing “We All Like Sheep.” HAHAHAHA!! You should have seen the conductor’s face.
Anyway, you heard the Easter portion, actually, and not even all of it. Which is a bit strange around Christmas…unless they mixed it up and gave you a sampling? It doesn’t actually end with the Hallelujah chorus. Really, it’s divided into 3 parts. But anyway…
Enjoy your day and walking the dog!
I used to beg for music lessons, and Spanish lessons. No dice. I grew up and made my own babies, so I could give them music and language. Hopefully, one day, I’ll have enough time to learn myself. I can play guitar, but only well enough to ape Nirvana.
WD: I read that Mia is quite the musical prodigy, too!
I say the same thing, that I hope I’ll have enough time. I guess I just have to make it!
Nothing wrong with apeing Nirvana!! That’s pretty good!
Steph, this post was really good. It’s very powerful when we simply accept our lives the way they are. I know in the past few years I’ve had to do that, because I was feeling sad that my writing hadn’t changed my life the way I thought it would.
And I love that quote from the Lord of the Rings. I can’t remember if that’s in the book. I don’t think it is, but maybe I’ve just forgotten.
Beth: Thank you!
To a large extent, we make life happen and determine the outcomes of things, even if subconsciously. There is perhaps still a way to change your life as you want with your writing! Don’t give up.
I think that quote was in the book, but it has been long since I’ve read them, too. The films were very close to the script when they didn’t deviate from the storyline, though, often verbatim.
INTENSE. Woah. I step away from blogging for a few days and I miss this!?! I truly enjoyed your life story! (I was a French major [double with English] in college, so there we have yet another thing in common!)
I feel awakened just by reading this beautiful post. Thanks, Steph. Although you may not realize it, you are an inspiration for many of us.
Rebecca: Wow. I’m kind of teary from what you said. I was lamenting that I couldn’t really put out what I was feeling, but I seem to have come across enough!
I’m so glad you felt great reading it. Thank you for your beautiful compliments.
And if I were thinking in French right now, I’d write you some, but it escapes me at the moment! Trying to translate means what I want to say, or the mood of what I want to say is lost…I really should pick it up again. It’s such a lovely language. Like Italian. I love listening to Italian. Can you speak it?
I really mean it! I felt refreshed, inspired, and, yes, reawakened after reading your post.
I was so close to fluent in French in college and I feel like I’ve lost pretty much all of it since. It saddens me to think about it. I’d love an opportunity to pick it up again too. No, unfortunately I don’t speak Italian, although I’d love to (seeing as I’m Italian, and all!). There just aren’t enough hours in a day to get everything I want done. (Now THAT’s an understatement …)
Well, thank you.
Oh, I’m really hearing you on the not enough hours in the day. I hate being in a constant state of panic or disorganization. I need routine. I’m starting to wish for some regular job to which I can attend 8 hours a day and which will lend some routine to my life and take the onus off me, and then I could just come home and read and pursue other interests and hobbies.
It’s so funny you write that. I was just saying the same thing to my husband (a teacher, who works many, many hours in the evening). Part of me misses the 9-5 thing, when you come home and work is done. As a business owner, work is never “done,” although when I really think about all the perks of entrepreneurship, I wouldn’t give it up for anything!
You know what? Entrepreneurship isn’t what I really want. Freedom, yes, but truthfully, I suck at being a businesswoman. I want someone else to do that work. I realize how that sounds.
Growing up all I wanted to do was perform. I was listening the other day to a bunch of tapes my friend and I made singing (and laughing!!) and I remembered all the plays and stuff I’ve done and then how I suddenly quit it all in university. I still wonder why. It still a passion only now it inevitably makes me cry and I wonder if that’s what happened. It became such a powerful thing for me that I suddenly grew scared.
But to tie this in, if ever I were to pursue it again, once I get some money, say, to take vocal lessons, and if I started auditioning for the local theatre, and if I ever were to become successful at it, that would be the life. Performing for a living. The freedom isn’t quite there since you’d have such a busy schedule, but it wouldn’t really feel like work. It would feel like love. (And you’d be getting paid for it while others ran the business part.)
That sounds wonderful, Steph! Performing is your passion so you should pursue it by all means necessary. And I’m sure you’ll be successful. (Do you have anything on YouTube?)
Rebecca: Oh God, no. The last time I did anything was in university about 10 years or so ago. I didn’t even know what YouTube was, and I have no idea if anything was filmed. I have a couple photos in an album (my parents rarely came to these events or took pics) and mementos and I have a video of the performance in “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,” but other than that, nothing on YouTube. Maybe once I take lessons and “get back in shape” I’ll put something up one day. David Foster here I come?
