It’s been a rough holiday. But this is the path to a better place. My Ps grilled me mostly for understanding. They know the decision is made and it’s not good to analyze. They just have nothing to do but wonder about stuff.

I do want to believe that my life not only can but WILL change enough that I will enjoy some type of financial freedom. It does happen to so many people, after all. In my case, as in that of countless others, I need to find a way of making much more than I do for that to happen. Some days that really seems impossible and I become tired of looking for or trying to create opportunities rather than being able to recognize them as they come my way, if you see the distinction.

Ach. Sorry to be such a downer today! I’ve spent the entire day on just one paper, the one I began yesterday. I had hoped to get at least two done. And I was even totally focused today!

PS. I must admit, I don’t want to be with my family all the time. That would drive me bonkers. My family gets along fabulously when we’re miles apart most of the time and then we get together a few times a year. I just wish those times could be a little longer, or simply that my time off could be satisfactorily extended.

What does that mean anyway?

I mean, are we to work for “the man” for 35 years so that we can perhaps enjoy a further 10 years before we die?

If that’s a “realistic” expectation, I want no part of it at all.

My only expectation is to enjoy my life and do what I want to do as much as possible – how can that be unrealistic?

If that’s unrealistic, then we’ve been sold a lie or are slaves of some kind.

I think it was easier to have this kind of life when we all worked on farms or as craftspeople of some kind. You were with your family all the time.

Somewhere, we went off the rails…

Is it true you can plan to bounce back? I just feel I have to, because, you know, there’s always something that has to be done, people you need to be up for, etc., and living that way lately, pushing myself to keep ploughing through and through and through to the next thing, has really run me down. I’m tired and bouncing back is getting harder each time. I’m sure I will bounce back, but you know that spot you get in when you don’t feel as though you can (make it through the morning, let alone whole day)? Even though you know it’s a phase and you just will? I’m there. Still, I know I will never take a day off work, just not edit or call in to say, “It’s a bad day. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t get dressed. I just can’t come in.”

I imagine how hard it is being in the basement of your old house. How long are you there for?

I’m sleeping on a mattress in the basement of my old house that my soon to be ex lives in with the kids hours after my parents grilled me about the whys and how comes. I don’t want to work Monday either (and I’m not -we are closed all week). But I also don’t want to be here. I can do it though. I’ll bounce back.