I’m sitting in my rocking chair in our cozy living room bathed in tree lights and a warm lamp glow, soft classical music in the background. Classical 96.3 fm, to be precise. I mention it because this station has been the soundtrack to my life: I’ve listened to it since I was a very young child. I remember it on Sunday mornings after mass, I remember it in the dark back seat of the family mini-van on late trips home, I remember it in the background in my downstairs bedroom while I wrote in my diary, in my dorm rooms in university as I studied, in Colin’s parents’ kitchen while I read in their living room, in our apartments, playing quietly behind family conversations at Chistmas time (commercial-free from 7 pm Christmas Eve and all day Christmas!). I’m acutely aware of the moving beauty and contribution of music and voice. It’s always made me feel quiet, at peace, inspired, comforted, even richly fortunate.
Today I had it on while I flipped through home decorating mags and contemplated how I would change around my living room, just something to start off the new year. And then I started thinking about the past year and my hopes for this new one. I’m not usually one to celebrate New Year’s. We never really did growing up (my parents were in bed far too early for that!). Basically, we went to mass and thanked God for the past year and asked him to continue blessing us in this new one. This year Colin and I watched a couple of movies and I totally forgot it was New Year’s Eve.
2008 was a very significant year for me. We moved into this lovely house in January, I got my driver’s licence in February after a long-standing fear of driving, I passed my financial advisor’s licence exam, and though I don’t apply it anymore, I know I can now do more than I have thought possible since it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I have never despaired more in my life beforehand, yet I succeeded. I also went back to full-time work at home, editing significantly slowed down, and I consequently started EditQuest. I blogged as honestly as I could, I met many wonderful people, I went bankrupt, quit editing for academic presses, and got a new job.
Reflecting on all that’s happened, all this rollercoastering through the year, I’m quite sure I’ve got myself ready for even more, for a very good 2009. I’m not writing this to list my resolutions or to set up an accountability agenda. I’m simply sharing that for this new year, I hope. I hope for very many things, and I do so with some confidence. With hardship comes growth, as everyone knows, but also opportunity. Because of our bankruptcy, we have been freed from the long-standing shackles of debt and because we miraculously didn’t lose the house, car, or any of our possessions in the process, we are now given a fresh chance to experience life as we’ve always wanted.
Near the end of this year, I expect we’ll be able to travel, perhaps even to England for Christmas, perhaps to be with my all my sisters and my parents, all together for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. I’d like to take up piano and voice lessons. I’d love for Colin and I and Lucy to have more spare time because we’re not struggling so much, to be able to do things we enjoy, like hike and read to each other and spend time off the computers, out and about. Perhaps we can start to take care of the house as well: get the new toilet and doors we need, to start. We can paint and personalize this home so it can be a reflection of us. And best of all, we can give more, wherever we see need or whenever we want.
EditQuest has experienced a lot of hooplah, and I yet find myself in a space far from the site and idea. I may revisit it soon, or I may not. Somewhere along the way of website grievances and difficulties and being too busy to work on it because of other, long and laborious editing jobs, I’ve lost my appetite for editing. For now, at least. There are still some (short) assigments that excite or intrigue me.
I also have no idea how I feel about blogging. I have spent quite a bit of time away from it, and away from my computer, and it’s felt liberating. Instead, I’ve been spending much appreciated time in my little library, perusing my books, flipping through them, admiring illustrations, breathing in the comforting fragrance of paper and ink, brushing my hand over beautiful covers, actually reading. It’s been heavenly. However, I do love to write, and I hope I find myself inspired enough to continue writing here, and not just drivel, either.
So much has changed with this new job. And while I’m relatively content as a naturopathic clinic receptionist for now, I know it’s not my life’s ambition to book appointments, do laundry, clean the offices and bathroom, collect mail and money, etc. The way I see it, the job is going to enable me to fulfill another 2009 hope: it will allow me to change my physical life much more easily to achieve optimal health. It’s affording us a regular income, too. So while it is fulfilling a need, I will continue to do it.
In the meantime, though, I’m still daydreaming of my bookshop tearoom. I want to work toward that end because I know that while I haven’t written much about that here, it’s really what I am meant to do. I realized it yet again when a young girl came into the clinic on Tuesday past with her mother. She sat down in a chair away from her mom and promptly opened her thick novel on her lap. She reminded me of me. I smiled when I immediately recognized the book and moved from my desk to sit beside her. I told her I was reading the same series she was (the Inkheart books), and showed her the third book, which of course I’d brought to work with me to read on my lunch.
Happily we talked books, and I remember thinking, This is what I do best and what I’m most happy doing. Talking about books I love. I get people excited about reading, about great stories. By the time she left, she had asked me how much the other two books in the series were and resolved to spend her Christmas money on them. I felt warm and connected and deeply happy. Needless to say, this year I’ll also work toward finalizing my business plan and finding out how to get myself closer to the goal I dreamed in 2007.
I’m not much for making promises or new year’s resolutions (really, every minute, every hour, every day, every month is a chance to start something new), but these things are what I hope to continue working on or thinking about this year. At the very least, I want to move forward and take one more giant step toward leading an extraordinary life.
I like your musings. I think you will have a great 2009. And keep writing!! Happy New Year Steph!
To one of my very first readers: Thanks! And thanks for sticking with me the whole year.
You keep writing, too, okay? I think you’re good at it!
I know what you mean about taking a break from blogging – it sucks up a LOT of time. I’ve been reading a lot more lately, and I loooooove it.
I make resolutions all the time and constantly break them, so my, um, new years resolution for this year is to stop making resolutions and figure out a better way to get stuff done. Something along the lines of “stop making lists; just do what needs to get done”.
Follow through with your daydream, for it is more than that.
It may start slowly, but as you build momentum, it will come into focus. I know you will do it, and I plan to visit once it is operating.
(Maybe you can start it out of your home, as a sort of gathering place – kind of like the traditional pubs of old. Tea and books for a select group.)
The thing with blogging is, unless you’re actually making money from it, well, it is just a good tool for networking. Once you have your network, maybe it is time then to get to work. That’s what I’m doing
Happy New Year, Steph!
{{{{{{{{{{{ Steph }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I know this will be a GREAT year for you.
Just remember that it doesn’t have to be so black and white — as in, blogging or no blogging — you could blog once or twice a week, for instance, or less when you aren’t in the mood.
I, too, love your musings, your writing, the way you think with your heart. As selfish as it may be on my part, it makes me sad to think of not reading your writing. Your posts make life sweeter for all of us. And I think they make life sweeter, too, for you
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Steph }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Cheers to you,
Em
@ french panic: holy shit, long time… I’m glad you’ve been reading a lot too. I love hearing that, love knowing there are people out there like me who think it’s a little slice of heaven to do nothing else but get lost in a good book.
I’m the exact same as you when it comes to resolutions. Making them feels as though I’m only setting myself up for inevitable disaster. Why bother? Why not just do when I feel like doing? I’m bound to get more done that way, in truth, because I won’t feel so pressured.
@ Brett: Thank you so much for your encouragement and belief and offers to help. It means a lot! And you’re absolutely right about blogging. Colin used to say the same thing. Unless I was making money from it, why was I spending so much time doing that when I should be working?
Still, as Em says, there is value to it, non-monetary value, and when I do spend a lot of time at it, now, it’s because I feel I want to and need to. And it’s also after work is done. 
@ Em: Hugs back! And thank you. Your words are so kind and very encouraging! I hope this year holds some great publishing news for you!
Steph,
Any time. Your vision will come true. And for sure, when we’re writing from the heart (as you do), there is much value in it, especially if it is done just for the pure pleasure.
@Steph
I’m with you and French Panic. I don’t do New Years Resolutions.
God knows, I’m constantly bombarded during the whole year with reminders of what I’m NOT accomplishing, and what I SHOULD be doing. I get this from supervisors, from family members, from other bloggers….
As if I don’t already have enough people telling me I’m a screw-up, I don’t need to add myself to the list!
Thank you, Steph! My second novel is almost done, now — it pretty much came out whole the first time around, which has been pretty surprising as I reread it and find it needs only minor grammar fixes. Thank you, Book Gods!
I entered the first chapter on December 28th into Firebrand Literary Agency’s Query Holiday — you submit your first chapter, **no query letter needed**, between Dec. 15 and Jan 15th — no query letter! I’m in heaven!
Keep your fingers crossed, I think this book may be the book.
Em
Friar: I know what you mean, though I have the opposite problem. I’m the one who’s never satisfied and is so concentrated on my failures. I’m the hardest on myself.
Em: No query letter!! A dream. And my fingers are totally crossed for you! I had the same thought when I read the first bit – I can really see that story going somewhere big!
After some time away from blogging myself, I’m delighted to find you still here, still writing, still listening to me (even when I don’t post in ages!). Thanks for your support these last few months, and I know you’ll find your place one day. Hell, I think we all do, whether we realise it at the time or not.
As for resolutions – when I was a student I wrote a resolution to myself, which I try to remind myself about periodically. I’m a great one for messing about with lists, plans, lists of plans, plans for lists, and other displacement activities, so every so often I write “JFDI” on a post-it and stick it somewhere prominent.
JFDI? Just f*cking do it.
Hawthorn, I will read you as long as you keep writing. I promise you that. And thank you. I hope you’re right! Sometimes I’m afraid something bad will have to happen in order for me to get what I want or for things to drastically change. I know that’s not necessarily true, but I can’t get that thought out of my head.
JFDI: hahaha, good one! I read Jedi at first glance, which cracked me up. But hey, it’s not bad advice either: Use the Force!
@Steph
Hmmm….strong in you, the Force Is.
Just F*CKING do it, you must.
There is no try, only f*ing do.
hahaha!
Happy New Year, Steph!
I wish you and Colin many blessings — both personal and professional — in 2009.
I agree with leftywritey: Blogging doesn’t have to be a scheduled chore. Just write when you feel like it, and we’ll all be here to read and enjoy your heartfelt musings.
And, by the way, the bookshop tearoom sounds fabulous! Save me a chair.
I tell you, I want to see Biblio so badly, if I win the lottery I’m going to get you all set up Steph.
Rebecca: I’ve got the idea all planned out, except for the finances. The business plan is also done according the general guidelines of what a business plan is supposed to look like. I’m very excited about it. The thing is, I feel so far away from achieving it that I’m afraid to share the idea, even the name, which I think is perfect (though Brett’s revealed it here already, and perhaps rightly so: Biblio!), for fear that someone may steal it! I’ve been thinking about this for so long I can’t think of it any other way.
Also, seats are saved. Any time! I can do special orders for you, too.
Brett: get buying those tickets!!
And thank you. I’d send you and your fam to NZ if I won the lottery. But AFTER you got to spend some time in Biblio.
Uh-oh, I spilled the beans
I could have sworn you gave away the name already here!
If anyone tries to steal it they’ll get a visit from this Viking, so not to worry – your name is safe.
Biblio?
Is that Biblo Baggins’ cousin?
Biblio: I totally love it! Will you serve pastries with tea? (I vote for chocolate croissants!)
Brett: Oh, maybe I did! Whoops! No matter. It makes it more real, doesn’t it?
Friar: AHAHAHA! nope, but if it were named after him, I’d be serving up the Gaffer’s brew instead of tea!
Rebecca: Mmm, yes. I will name them after you! Rebecca’s exquisite croissants.
(Well, I’ll think about the name some more.)
Hi Steph! Happy 2009! I completely agree with you that every moment is a chance to change, grow and discover. I don’t make new year’s resolutions either but I do dream, plan and set goals year round. I know that your dreams will come true and I am so excited that you were able to begin the year free from the burdens of the past. It’s a great feeling that came shining through in your post. I wish you all the best and whether or not you decide to blog regularly I hope you’ll stay connected.
Steph,
I little visionary thought popped into my mind as I was reading. How nice would it be for your office waiting room to be a little Book and Tea niche? Practice for you and joy for them.
In our beauty shop waiting room, we have a trickling fountain, coffee, warm cider in the winter and books and magazines. Clients are free to bring a book and take a book, or just sit and brouse. You have no idea how many folks stay and hang out after their apointment! People everywhere are looking for little Oasis’s thoughout their day and you can provide that to them!
Steph,
I little visionary thought popped into my mind as I was reading. How nice would it be for your office waiting room to be a little Book and Tea niche? Practice for you and joy for them.
In our beauty shop waiting room, we have a trickling fountain, coffee, warm cider in the winter and books and magazines. Clients are free to bring a book and take a book, or just sit and brouse. You have no idea how many folks stay and hang out after their apointment! People everywhere are looking for little Oasis’s thoughout their day and you can provide that to them!
Hi Karen and Wendi,
I’m just on to check the code for my little RSS button (working on our website blog for the clinic!), but I have read your comments and will answer them soon!
Steph,
I hope you keep on writing, because your blog is one of my favorites. And the teashop sounds goods too. Maybe you could start it in your house, as another commenter suggested, and see if people are interested. It might be an interesting sort of test.
Thank you, Beth! It really warms me to hear you say that I’m one of your favourites! Thank you very much!
And you know, having a little book club tea party here really doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. It’s just a matter of thinking who to invite. I don’t have many friends, let alone many who read, unfortunately. I can only think of two right now. Though maybe starting off with three would be lovely. Nice and cozy.