A pile of writing and publishing books sits in front of me on my desk. I’ve scrawled a few notes (more scratched out than not) in my “Publish or Perish” notebook before putting down my pencil and thinking, I can’t do this. I feel like a fraud!
How many times have I said that? (How many times have you?)
I’m trying to do several things that have to be ready for the EditQuest launch (okay, first: I LOVE my new name! Every time I see it I get excited. I just spent over an hour seeing it written in different fonts, thanks to Kelly!). I have to write an ebook on publishing, a workbook on fantasy character or world development (haven’t yet decided which), draft posts for the EQ blog, draft guest posts, and compile an email list for the marketing blast. The list part is easy. The rest is not.
Naturally overwhelmed, I’ve decided to focus on the ebook first, on how to get published, because it’s an integral part of my purpose as an editor. To what end do I exist if not to help make writing publishable, if not to help writers accomplish their dream of seeing their words in print?
My goal is to encourage writers, make the process less intimidating, point them in the right direction, hold their hands while they find their voices, their confidence, their places on the shelves or hard drives of others. I’m not only an editor, I said to my hubby this afternoon, I am a consultant. Oh GOD!
This goal for EditQuest excites me to no end, but it frightens me, too. Who am I? Can I live up to such lofty aspirations? Will I disappoint these vulnerable writers? I understand their doubt and fears: those feelings are like mine, the very ones I’ve written about here many times. I know fantastic writers who stash (or hide) manuscripts in their underwear drawers, not sure what to do next. Who am I to tell them what to do, to take their money? What if I screw up?
The Facts
I have been reading fantasy for as long as I can remember. I was very young when I was first intrigued by magic and Faerie, dragons and elves. I forged my love affair with Bilbo Baggins during daily reading sessions in the cemetery under a tree next to my school. I was in grade three.
Since then, I’ve read and amassed a nice fantasy collection on my bookshelves. I do have a general idea of what makes a good fantasy story. I graduated with an English honours degree and I’ve certainly analyzed my share of novels and stories. I’ve taken writing and editing courses and workshops. I’m a member of the Editors’ Association of Canada. I read Men with Pens every day.
I’ve been editing for about fifteen years now, have had my business since 2003. I’ve worked in libraries, Chapters, a publishing house, and I’ve had countless clients (including fantasy writers) from university presses to local businesses to the government to media and printing companies to post-grad students to shy new authors.
I’ve edited and project managed hundreds of books, walked and talked and handheld authors from contract to finished product. Independent writers who have approached me have indeed been published. And I really do know books.
Yet I still feel unqualified. With EditQuest I’m choosing to help young and inexperienced authors, writers who might have been rejected several times but who have received positive feedback and don’t know what to do with it, or those who have never submitted because they haven’t a clue how to go about it. I’m going to be helping people who have tentatively pulled out and dusted off their manuscripts, who have handed them over to me with hopeful words, bewildered looks, and shy disclaimers. Atop their manuscripts sit their beating hearts: please, help me, take care of me.
I know I’m not guaranteeing anyone will be published when I help them. But knowing the hope and vulnerability they’ll have puts a great responsibility on me. I need to live up to that! I know I can give a listening ear, encouragement, their hand a squeeze. I know I can copy edit their stories. But can I deliver all I say I will?
The Real Issue
Even experts experience self-doubt. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, wrote that she had a strong mantra of THIS SUCKS running through her head while she was writing it. (I laughed aloud when I read that: it’s one of my favourite books ever.) She published at least three other books before Eat, Pray, Love and countless articles for magazines and newspapers. She was already successful enough that the book had been commissioned with a very substantial advance.
Considering my practical experience, this doubt, this feeling like a fraud, seems a personal issue, which, dammit, is the hardest to fix. Were I lacking in experience and knowledge, I’d just go get it and put off the site till then. That problem would be easily fixed, a matter of networking and lots of research and working relevant jobs.
Of course, I’ll gain further experience and knowledge in the fantasy field as I go. It’s true that I haven’t been editing fantasy for twenty years, but I know how to edit. And I personally, intimately know what it is to want to be published, to write but be overwhelmed, to doubt, to fear, to wish.
Like writers, as an editor getting ready to switch gears, I fight the inner battle that may actually never really be won. Over the last week, I’ve read sites discouraging writers from hiring an independent editor, focusing on the nasty frauds we can be. I’ve read about editors who have twenty-five years in the business. I’ve read the doubt of friends who think I should be a published author myself first, who wonder about my capability as a manuscript critiquer because they don’t know if I’ve done it before or not.
The trick, I know, is to keep fighting, to not give up. The trick is to be self-forgiving. To not pre-reject myself. To let THEM (my clients) decide whether or not I’m good enough, whether or not I deserve to do this.
Today, this is how I’ll push myself: I have the coolest business name. I’ve told people about it. I’m good at what I do. There are writers out there waiting for me, writers with dreams I can help come true.
If I take my cue from the fantasy heroine, I’ll sheath my pen and journey hard, however much I stumble.
Of course you are qualified. You know what to do. “Professionals” (whatever that means) encounter new things every day, and they just do it.
Where I work, people who had never built nuclear reactors, built nuclear reactors in the late 40′s. No computers. No previous experience. They did it anyway. Because they knew they could do it, they had guts, and they knew that if something didn’t turn out quite right, they’d learn from it and try again.
(I wish that culture still existed there now. Everyone is too afraid to fail these days, and nothing gets done.)
It’s okay. I know how you feel. I’m a bit behind you in many ways (having a business to finalize and launch) – I feel it too.
But you know what? If EVERYONE else is telling me I have the chops to do it, to get off my butt and do it, then who am I to question them!
You can do it, Steph – and you will.
-Brett
Hey Brett: Do you have déja vu? LOL!
Seriously, though. My heartfelt thanks. I know you understand. I’m so excited about seeing what your business is, too!
Steph,
Last first: you probably know that MANY editors are not published writers nor have they ever wanted to be, so banish that doubt from your mind. Whether you’d like to be someday or not is mainly irrelevant to your ability to edit and critique others’ work.
As to fantasy: you’re experienced as a reader, and as an editor you’re moving from being a generalist to a specialist. No problem there. It simply means that once you might have been working on four genres at once, constantly changing gears, and now you are devoting yourself solely to fantasy.
The Real Issue: You’re doing fine. And you worry too much. But I always recognize my own deepest anxieties, too, so keep worrying out loud until it’s all out of your system. I’m just cruising by to tell you that you rock, no matter the fears.
It’s a “personal” issue, as you said, but I think it’s in *all* of our persons. You’re just the brave chick who knows how to express it.
Regards,
Kelly
@ Kelly (aka voice of reason): Last first – yes, you caught one of my deepest insecurities and addressed it so well I can’t really refute it! A respected published friend who also edits and does manuscript critiques suggested I didn’t have the credentials to do this because I wasn’t published and didn’t have an MFA or anything like that. I’ve felt a bit indignant but at the same time, it’s something that’s been niggling at me. Because wouldn’t it lend me more credibility if I was published, or if I was certified? I guess what I keep struggling with is why would others pick me over someone else? I still have to find that answer, I think. Or if I already know, it’s somewhere deep down or something I’m too modest to admit.
Anyway, you’ve made me feel better about it, simply because there are people like you out there, I’m sure, who feel the same way you do.
And you’re right. I do worry too much! I analyze my insecurities and come up frozen. If James were here, he’d probably kick my ass and say, “For God’s sakes, woman, just shut up and DO IT!”
Thank you for telling me the same thing!
Writing and editing are different creatures. Not all writers can edit. Not all editors can write. Whether it’s for lack of skills or lack of desire. That’s just the way it goes.
Neither should you have a problem with not having “credentials” (whatever those might be). Socks to anyone who thinks you need to be published to be able to edit. I’m a published writer, so I should be able to edit, right? I’m lucky to proofread well.
And ebooks are fun to write!
I remember once as a PhD student, chatting to one of the senior professors in my Uni department in the pub after work. I was in total awe and shock that she was talking to me (a lowly postgraduate) at all, but I was telling her about a conference I was due to present at in the near future. It was one of my first, I was presenting a paper, and I was convinced I was an intellectual midget who would immediately be shown up as such by the first person to spot the gaping holes in my arguments and ask a reasonably insightful question.
Imagine my surprise when this woman, a hugely respected expert in her field who drew in millions of pounds in research money annually and whom people would (and possibly did) kill to work with, told me that she felt exactly the same. Her constant worry was that someone somewhere would realise that she’d been winging it all these years, she would be shown up as the fraud she felt she was, and people would point and laugh.
I felt incredibly heartened, and went off to my conference with a spring in my step. If I didn’t exactly set the intellectual world on fire, neither was I exposed as an idiot who hadn’t a clue what I was talking about – and I’ve carried that professor’s revelation with me for many years since.
Shawn: I think the assumption is that if you can edit someone’s writing to make it good writing, you should be able to write well! But being published, well. The more I read your supportive comments, the more indignant I get about that claim that I have to be published. Hey, what if I just had no desire to get published, as Kelly pointed out? Why should that be a reflection of my capabilities?
Hawthorn: Your story is so touching! What a moment that must have been for you! Thank you for sharing this. My husband last night said, “Hey, do you figure you know more than most about editing? More than the average person? More than your clients? If so, you’re already a step in the right direction.” He’s right. I do have a good background. I do know more than the average person or my client. So this is what I’m telling myself now: If not prestige over another fantasy editor, pick personality. If not experience, pick a deep willingness to learn and care about getting them to their goals. If not popularity, pick your ability to work one-on-one, to send each one a gift of appreciation, to converse with your clients frequently.
This morning I’m feeling heartened, thanks to you guys.
@Steph
I agree with Hawthorn.
I’ve had lot of times when I’ve been in a large group of “professionals. Especially Academia.
Eveyrone except me seemed to know what they were doing. They completely had their act together and were experts. And I felt like a fraud, a complete screw-up who didnt’ belong.
But time and time again, when I started talking to them, I found a lot of them felt the same insecurities I did.
And it turned out my qualifcations and knowledge were actually better than I thought. Maybe I wasnt’ the smartest guy in the room, but I was at least as good as half the crowd.
So moral of the story, don’t sell yourself short. All these Uber-Acheivers are probably just as clued out as you might feel…..but chances are, you’re at least as good as most of them.
Take it from one who’s been through it before…
Friar: Wow, we all really go through this, eh? This is amazing. Thank you for giving me your perspective. I guess it’s a matter of reminding myself I do have a right to be here, and I am at least as good as half the crowd!
@Steph
I’m convinced that half the planet (including myself) doesn’t really have a clue what they’re doing.
But working together, things somehow always manage to get done.
(Unless you’re making Widgets, that is).
Friar: Hahaha! Poor Widget Factory. There’s got to be a despair.com saying about that!
Seriously, otherwise, I think you’re right about working together. That’s what this blog is all about, dude!
Though I’m hoping I’m not taking as much or more than giving…
@Steph
Aww…Steph. Don’t take this blogging so seriously!
Blogging is just a free-for-all-discussion and exchange of ideas that people readily offer. There isn’t really any “taking” from anyone.
It never occurs to me to worry about taking or giving. I write what I like…I hope people like my post. I might get 20 viewers or I might get 200. It’s all good.
If I read something else I like, I might let that person know. (Or I might not..there’s no obligation).
I kinda get what you mean, though.
If it makes you feel any better, you definitely “give” a lot more than you “take” !
Friar: Yup, it makes me feel loads better!!
Now pass me a beer, will ya?
@Steph
You should drive up one of these evenings to Splat Creek and pound back a few pints with me and Brett!
We’ll behave, I promise.
You can bring Lucy if you want.
Where the hell IS Splat Creek?
Friar: I just read your “Only In Splat Creek, Ontario” post. OH MY GOD!!! That is HILARIOUS!!! I can’t believe no one commented. You must have been new. You should repost that one.
@Steph
Oh…Splat Creek is a “pen name”.
If I actually said the town’s real name, I could probably get in a lot of trouble with the townsfolk (and/or co-workers). This place is small enough, some of the characters could probably identify themselves.
I thougth the story was pretty good. But I didn’t have much of a “following” back then. Hmmm…mabye I should repost it (??).
If you like that story, you should dig deeper in “Small Town ONtario” and check out my story of fishing at the marina.
I’ve just read your latest post now, and was just thinking yesterday that I’ve never heard you sound so focused and lucid as this. You’ve really dedicated yourself to finding out what you want and how to get it. I think that most people don’t get this far. I’m reading this book called The War of Art. Check it out. It’s about working through your ‘Resistance’. (which you’ve totally already done, but will keep reminding you down the road) I’ll definitely be talking about it in my blog.
Way to go, man. Watching you go is exciting.
@ Friar: Duh, yeah, I guess you can’t really say where Splat Creek is. But not even one clue, here? Or is it going to remain a secret, like Springfield was for so very long?
And when I have more time (I have to work on several things today) I will definitely check out more of your posts!
@ T: Thanks, little sis. I feel the same way about you. Go figure.
I think the lucidity may come from blogging. Writing it out, getting others’ perspectives on things. Blogging has many benefits. Would you believe it even gives me clear skin?
Steph, you elaborated very eloquently why and how you are qualified. And you proved it to everyone who reads your blog.
Try this: Cut and paste what you wrote about your qualifications into something that resembles letterhead for EditQuest. Print it out, but don’t read it yet. Now take Lucy for a walk, call your husband and revisit the little corners of your fridge where Lucy’s hair stuck when you cleaned it out last week.
In an hour, go back to your letter. Put on your editor’s hat and read it just like we as your blog fans read it. You’ll see what we see — a fully qualified editor.
@Beth: Okay, I was like, How the hell did she know I just cleaned out my fridge??
Oh yeah. I blogged about it. LOL!
But here’s another thing. I was just about to take Lucy for a walk. My neighbour just started up Our Lady of the Perpetually Stuttering and Stinking Lawnmower (and by perpetually I mean it lets off powerful fumes and sounds on the brink of quitting for an entire hour and a half), and I have to get out of here.
So why not. I’ll take your advice and print out what I wrote and read it when I come back and call Colin and look for any hairs Lucy may have left, which is quite possible. They were there to begin with.
Thank you for this! And for saying such nice things. Cupcake for you.
Wow, what a beautiful post! I mean, I could sense your fear, feel your experience, and my heart fluttered from feeling your excitement! (I enjoy reading anything written by someone who is really sharing their heart. It’s so real, so passionate – no matter the topic.)
And don’t ya JUST LOVE the folks who flock you, beating you to the ground with their negative opinions? Can’t they hear our thoughts? We have dreams people! hehehe
I can sense that you’re going to do more than an awesome job, Steph! You have tons of support from your readers. You should be feeling the love right about now! Spread your wings and just go for it. I look forward to reading about all your success!
*smiles*
Michele
Michele: Wow!! My turn to say I can feel your enthusiasm and excitement! In fact, I could on your blog, too. I remember thinking, now here’s someone who you know is doing the right thing: she’s so happy and passionate about it!
Thank you for your kind and supportive words. As you might imagine, talk about feeling the love!
It’s not to say I write these things and then you guys comment and everything is necessarily hunky dory. But the encouragement I’m getting here, the different perspectives, everything really does make me feel good about being honest with myself. More than anything, everyone is helping me confront myself with less fear and more push.
And, thanks for your kind words also.
I know it doesn’t make the problem go away, but when readers write beautiful, supportive comments and e-mails it really makes the ole heart skip a beat and the eyes puddle with a tear or two, eh? It feels like cyber hugs are exploding from the computer screen!
I am very passionate about eating right and juice fasting. And just life in general, really. After barely surviving domestic violence, enduring lots of health issues, surgeries, and dealing with depression, I feel truly blessed to have been able to slowly regain some of the health I lost during the abusive times.
I just want to share what I’ve learned works for losing weight (since I’ve lost over 100 pounds – without surgery or those weight loss pills) and getting healthier, as well as overcoming domestic violence. Well, really one never “overcomes” as in forgetting totally. It’s always there, but we can take the wisdom and strength and glean from that instead of focusing on the negative part all the time.
Life sure is a journey, eh? And this writing (in your case, editing too) is a journey as well. So much to experience, learn, and absorb. I feel like a sponge most days just trying to take all of it in. But it’s beautiful and it’s ours. And we can hold on to our dreams and fight for them – no matter how tired we get, how much people poke fun, or how long it takes. The sky is the limit!
*smiles*
Michele
Not to gush (oh well : ) but I think you will do a wonderful job because of how important it is to you.
Personally speaking, before meeting you/your blog, I was scared to death of editors, as a writer.
But wow, you’re nice and human and even a good writer, to boot. I have to say that your future clients will be very lucky to have someone like you helping them better their work, and in their corner.
Wrestling with your worries or doubts will help to make them your friends — so they work for you, not against you. I’m very excited for you. : )
Em
Em: I don’t know what to say! Thank you so much.
Why were you scared of editors? Is it because you thought they would take your writing and change it all? Or because of the stereotype of them being stiff and nasty and unforgiving? I’d say that stereotype is a real shame. But at the same time, there are many editors out there thanked by their authors because they did such a good job of understanding and listening and guiding and suggesting, rather than simply striking things out or being rigid. Good editors know when to break the rules rather than unyieldingly sticking to them, and have nothing else but the author and readers in mind. They want the author to shine, the book to sell well. They are, as you said, friends, rather than enemies!
Steph… so did your little break give you a different perspective? Can you identify the strengths you can use to sell yourself to the new audience?
@Beth:
Yesterday, I wrote web text, edited articles, and then, funnily enough, I had a client who’s working on a writing guide ask me to write a blurb about myself and why you should get your writing edited.
I wondered what to write, and finally, after implementing your idea, I decided that after a little tweaking I’d put what I’d written here (the bit about my strengths) as my background.
At the end of the day I said to myself, huh. When I don’t think about it, when I just have to do it, I can. I wrote web text and the stuff she asked me to without a problem. I even thought it was pretty good.
Seeing my “qualifications” written out in front of me, reading them over after taking a break, I was actually able to submit them to her for her guide and feel confident in doing so!
Thanks for the idea!
Awesome! I kept waiting for the update.
I know, I’m sorry. I got busy!
And then I had friends over this morning…
Still haven’t started my work today…
(Steph – if you look hard on my blog at some of the links, you’ll find a link to the real Splat Creek…)
@Brett: Oh reeeallyyy…hmmm…I’ll definitely be checking that out later on!
Steph,
for the low, low price of $0.00 I’ll tell you where to find it!
(I won’t make you look for it, as I know you’re busy working on EditQuest – and I should get my ass in gear too.)
-Brett
Brett: Do tell! You can whisper…
And if anything happens, I’ll say I don’t know who they’re talking about. The Brett and Friar I know do their own things!
Steph, you wrote above:
“Why were you scared of editors? Is it because you thought they would take your writing and change it all? Or because of the stereotype of them being stiff and nasty and unforgiving?”
Definitely the latter. You hear stories of “editors” being stuffy and jaded, hectic to work with, a.k.a. scary.
I think the relationship between editor and writer is quite an important one, because the writer is entrusting the editor with their “baby”.
I, as a writer, would change things in my novel, trusting the editor if the editor pointed out the need and it made the book better. The trust part is essential. It’s hard to trust the kind of editor the stereotype depicts. I didn’t realize how much I was unconsciously subscribing to the stereotype until I met you. : )
I thought of editors as being like the one in the 1999 movie If You Believe (with Ally Walker and Hayden Panettiere). Oh boy.
If you haven’t seen the movie (it’s a Christmas sort of movie) you have to see it. It’s wonderful.
Em
EM: Whoa! That’s exactly the kind of editor I don’t want to be! I need to break this unfortunate stereotype for many out there.
I haven’t seen the movie, but it’s written down on my notepad beside me. Thanks!
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