I just realized why I can’t ever say no to freelance jobs and yet more work, even though I complain I never have enough free time and I resent every minute I feel I’m obligated to keep my workday going when I’d rather be doing something else (and even though the money isn’t making us any richer). The answer isn’t what I thought, I think.
It’s because I actually haven’t got a clue what I’d do with that free time. The way I am with gift money, I’m afraid of squandering it (the free time, that is, which is exactly what I end up doing). Although it’s likely counter to the concept of free time, I do feel obligated to spend it wisely, to be productive in some way, to be doing what I feel I should, like exercising or writing (again with the obligations!). And—oh!—I already feel the squashing pressure of guilt that I’m wasting my life (not just free time), not doing what makes me happy, what is meaningful to me, what doesn’t bore me, what isn’t close to my full potential, what doesn’t make me feel subordinate.
But I honestly have no idea how to alleviate that particular guilt, the wasting my life one. I don’t at all know the alternative or how to find the alternative. Knowing how quickly I become uninterested in something, knowing how fickle I am with my passions, I don’t trust myself to decide what I want to do lest I am yet again disappointed or I yet again squander time, and I therefore come to the conclusion that any idea I have, since I’m not apparently gung-ho about it and driven to do it over anything else, must be “incorrect.” Indecision is a curse.
There are all these stories of people who’ve always known what they wanted to do and then make it happen…and then there’s me (yes, and likely a gazillion others, but frankly I only care about me in this instance). How come I can’t have that sort of direction?
How does one unborify her life? How does one discover ex nihilo—no clue whatsoever—just what is the right thing for her to do? (And by right, I mean for ME. The thing that makes me feel my own sense of purpose. The thing that makes me able to power my life (never mind a vehicle) with my “own sense of self-satisfaction.”)
“If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.”
Steve Jobs said that. Of course, he found his early in life, but there are other people who find it later. I only really figured out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go when I was about 37, and it’s only become really clear this year. I’ll be 40 in about 6 weeks (hee hee).
I read elsewhere that the “average” entrepreneur is 42 when they finally make it (in their own eyes, perhaps).
So keep looking, you are young.
One thing to keep in mind about the stories out here where people say they figured out what they wanted to do and then made it happen – more often than not, you read about it on a very slick web site or blog.
Where you can download the first chapter of their e-book for free.
And then you get spammed by offers to sign up for courses for only $97 or $197 if you want the telephone coaching.
It’s what I call the “rich neighbourhood lie”.
My wife will often think out loud when we’re visiting her parents (they live in Oakville) and say, “how happy their lives must be”.
Of course they must be happy, with a 5000 square foot house and three BMW’s in the driveway.
Except they’re not at home. Dad’s at work.
Mom’s in therapy. Kids are doing drugs at someone else’s house.
Not always of course, but sometimes it is true. People will always put forth their best image, especially if they’re trying to get you to buy something!
Then again there are some honest folks out here, just like in real life.
(You’re one of them.)
I can think of lots of other online business types who will tell you they don’t make a lot of money and it took them a long time to get there (Tony Lawrence is one).
The main thing, keep looking.
I know you’re going on a trip in the not too distant future. I think you will find what you are looking for there.
Hi Brett,
I understand your comment, where you’re coming from, but it’s not quite what I meant. It’s not the money, and I wasn’t at all thinking of those rich business types. I was thinking of women and men who I’ve either met or read about, say, in Chatelaine or House and Home mags, those normal people who knew what they wanted to do and have made that happen successfully. like the women who started designing cards and other prints, and the other who started a bakery, and the other who designs and makes and paints dishes. They all just started doing stuff they loved doing and someone saw and loved it and then more people saw and loved it and they turned it into a business. (But I don’t have things like that – I don’t do anything. I don’t kow what I like doing besides reading. if I have the time.
The point is not that they’re rich, it’s that they’re HAPPY. They know. They have a sense of direction. They’re not looking. They’re doing.
Oh, for sure. Perhaps something to consider is that the nromal, everyday people in those magazines were probably just like you, at one time, and it took them a while to find what they liked to do that made them happy.
You know the old saying, do what you love and the money will follow (if you want money, that is).
If you like to read (for instance), you might ask yourself what is it about reading that you like to do besides the reading itself – do you like to read to people, or tell people about the stories, or an informal review, or something.
You might find there is something you like to do that could give you that direction.
Believe me, I’ve searched a lot too. Sometimes things hit you out of left field.
I always thought I was going to be a chemical engineer and work in Alberta, but that’s not me anymore.
We just have to keep looking, which is easier said than done, but when it hits you, it will be like a lightning bolt.
(For instance – you know I like to hike barefoot, right? So I’m thinking of starting a barefoot hiking club next spring. You never know where it might lead.)
Brett: Literally!