PS. That’s a great pic of you. I can see you better with this theme!

I agree about the ending. In fact, I had several endings. One of them did tie in the butterfly theme and Andrea but it seemed cheesy! It’s definitely something to work on when I come back to this, though. I think I remember when writing it that I was just too neatly and quickly tying it off.

So you like the male perspective? It works, then?

Steph,

I think I should move my link to the front page of your site.

The imagery in this story is excellent. I clearly saw the endless tomatoe fields and felt the excruciating heat.

I like the characters and find them likeable and believable. I like the way they transform throughout the story too.

Dialogue is good. Very realistic. I love this line:
Andrea looked over my shoulder. “Nice picture, Roy,” she smirked, leaning in close to my ear. “I guess we won’t be holding that one up for Show and Tell. We don’t allow nudity here.”

Funny! And then the scene quickly follows with Calvin and the butterfly picture. Very nicely done: funny and then sad. Kudos to you for jerking our emotions around.

The ending is too abrupt. I like the way you develop their relationship, but the ending needs something else…integrate the butterfly theme? Andrea has changed and is flying away?

You know I will throw out ideas and if it works for you – great! But if it doesn’t ring a bell, then forget anything I’ve said.

I took a lot of stuff from real life while growing up, and we often had friends pray with us. But that’s an interesting point you raise, and when I have some time, I’ll look at that section again. I can’t even remember the point of it, so the story may very well work without it!

And a bit of discord at the end, yes, I’ll check into that, too. If there’s anything that’s not good, it’s too neat a little ending!

Thank you so much for your suggestions, E. I really appreciate them! I will take them to heart, honest…eventually. I just haven’t made the stories priority right now, because of EditQuest.

Again, thank you so much!

Don’t worry about the content. Just write what you want to write and find the journal that matches.

After sleeping on it, I did come up with something. Maybe Ken and Ruthie don’t have to pray with John and Irene. They don’t seem so overtly religious. Would they do such a thing?

Maybe a little discord at the end would be a good contrast to the final lovemaking scene. The final scene is like Irene’s final giving in.

All in all it is a very good story. Send it around! Rejection is all part of it. I know about that!

I DO care to be published and really feel I’d be okay with the possible rejection. I’ve never tried submitting any of these stories. TBoSF was entered in a contest long ago and won second place, but wasn’t published. I haven’t submitted it anywhere else because it’s old now and because of its specifically religious content. I just wonder if I’d be shutting out readers.

After getting your positive feedback, I’m thinking that maybe it’s just a matter of finding the right mag or journal. I still struggle with submitting a story I wrote twelve or so years ago, but I guess they won’t know that!