A Proper Place for Tea
I sip my tea the way you’re supposed to when tasting it (did you know you’re supposed to slurp?), but only because I’m trying to drown out the song on the radio. I am sitting conspicuously at my desk at the clinic, grossly aware of the diminutive elderly patient waiting across from me and the embarrassingly inappropriate and bitchy demands of “Give it to me right” coming through the radio here in the common room. This is when I realize that drinking tea at work is not at all the same as drinking it at home.
Part of it is the ugly forest green mug I’m using, which I associate with seriously ill people getting IVs. I usually serve them water or tea in these mugs; the room often smells off and their disease stares me down like a butch. And I’m very particular about what I drink tea in—at home I mostly use either bone china or pottery. It depends on the kind of tea. I really have to remember to bring in my own mug, but a brand-new one altogether. One I buy especially for here. I don’t like to mix work and home in any way.
That said, it’s really mainly my agitated state of mind that’s affecting my tea drinking here. Never mind the ugly mug, or the completely different atmosphere from home: those are a given. If I was sipping loose leaf from the queen’s tea service here things wouldn’t be the same, even though I sometimes sneakily change the music from rauchy pop to zen and, when no one’s in, burn a little incense to clear the air.
No, the lack of proper taste, materials, and atmosphere isn’t the only thing causing my discontent during tea time today. I’m bone tired, for one, and I can’t seem to shake that. It’s a no-brainer, of course: I’m working way too much (editing has been fantastic lately) and going to bed at least two hours after I feel I need to.
And all this is making me once again consider what I’m doing with my life. (Are you tired of me doing that yet?) I mean, now we’re in 2010 and, damn it all, it feels the same!!
WHAT DO I WANT? I wish to God I had a clearly defined goal, something I could unreservedly commit to. This is why I never make resolutions. I can’t even decide what to resolve! The only thing that makes me feel any sort of right is opening up Biblio, preferably in Yorkshire but anywhere nice, I guess. Now there’s a place I could drink tea and enjoy it! As time goes by without an inkling of my ability to do that, I become aware of feeling otherwise goalless, which is somewhat akin to feeling homeless—or rootless, rather.
It’s not that I lack ambition but more so that I can’t seem to find anything that really, truly interests me, at least to do. I do enjoy editing and I’m hearing more and more that I’m quite good at it, which is always nice. And I would rather work from home or have my own successful business, so I guess what I really want, if I can’t have Biblio, is to be able to get my editing flowing so well I don’t need a second job.
In that case, then, I need EditQuest to be redone (siriusgraphix will be doing it!) and given its own site again (though it has received more traffic from here than where it was before), and I need to contact more people regarding subcontracting, and dedicate more time to finding more clients. I need to sit down and decide just what I want to put my energy toward and how I am going to do that.
By the time I get ready for England this year, I need to be sitting full time in my proper place for tea.
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I hear ya. Until I was laid off, I was feeling so much of what you’re feeling. Of course, it wasn’t until I was laid off and couldn’t find another job that I decided to start my own business–writing/editing/project management for students and really small business.
Now I’m afraid to get that day job (even though I need the money) because I don’t know how to keep my energy for my new ittybiz at the same time. Any advice for someone looking to follow somewhat in your footsteps?
Hey Christine,
Well, that’s the trouble, having enough energy to do what you really want, to build what you’re planning. It’s really hard. My only advice is to make it a priority. If it’s something you really want to do, then you will find the energy and time; it will happen. I struggle but it’s more with the part-time job than the freelancing, and in the end I have time and energy for my freelancing because it’s what I’d rather be doing.
As for the day job, that’s a tough one. You have two options, and what you choose depends on how much money you need to live. One would be to really pour your energy full time into building your biz, so that it grows fast and can sustain you sooner than later. The other option is to get a part-time job. I really was kind of forced into it; it was either that or lose what we have because the freelancing just isn’t regular enough. Or, rather, the pay isn’t.
Take stock of what you need to make and then if you have to get another job, try to find one that’s either relevant or that doesn’t take up too much mental energy or too many hours.